Finding out a loved one has a serious illness is just as bad as getting your own diagnosis. If you are a loved one’s main support system, taking care of them will exhaust you. In many ways, this role is tougher than your own sickness because you have so little control. If you are the one in pain, you can shift your position or move around until you are more comfortable. If you feel severe pain, you do something to make you feel better. If it is not your pain, you never really know if they are fine, even if they say they are. You are not able to shift them or control them until you know they really are feeling better. This is a big stress, especially if fixing a problem makes you feel better. Sometimes all you can do is sit by and let your loved one’s body heal. In other cases, a bodily function is working incorrectly and there is no quick fix. All you can do is love your relative through the stress. If a couple is facing fertility problems, it can be tough for the spouse who does not have the specific health problem because it may not be fixable. You can visit a fertility clinic for advice or assistance, but that may be your only option. To make things more complicated, your spouse may feel as if they have let you down. Problems like this create stress in a relationship.

Another issue those helping a family member through a medical problem face is financial strain. Serious medical problems have a tendency to be very expensive, even if health insurance covers a portion of the cost. If a couple is coping with an illness and one continues to work while the other is focused on healing, there may be some resentment between them, especially if the worker is paying the medical costs. Being unhealthy may create a feeling of being burdensome which can also strain relations. Worse yet, kids may feel neglected because the focus is on healing an illness, there will be a whole other set of problems. Parents may feel frustrated if kids act out during the stressful time.

The best thing to do if your family is facing a medical issue is to keep the lines of communication open. This can be tough when you are caught up in doctor’s appointments, sicknesses, and paying medical bills. If you feel guilty about some of your feelings, that can wear you down too. As a family, you need to work through these tough times. Agree that any feelings anyone has are fine, as long as they are discussed and not judged. Just because someone feels a certain way does not mean they are going to act on their feeling. Illnesses are tough for families. If you and your relatives are facing a medical challenge, pull together and get through it.

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